The girl scouts are like vultures, cute vultures who circle around you with enticing treats wrapped in innocent faces not ready to face the cruelty of the world yet. AND THAT SUCKS! When they start to sell their legendary girl scout cookies you can see them, they are planted right outside of stores around the country waiting to get the next girl scout patch. As an adult we don’t always want to buy those cookies, so our only defense against these cute vultures is to say that we don’t have any cash, but the young minds have found a way around that….
- I’m at home and all of a sudden my stomach starts to bumble (bubble/rumble) I know this can’t be good.
- So I decide it’s time to hit my local grocer for some life saving nourishment.
- It was a sunny day outside, so I rolled the windows down and played my happy sunny day song (Which at the time was Paramore- Ain’t it fun).
- Before I pull into the parking lot of the store I see the sign and I immediately begin planning in my head what I’m going to buy.
- It was your typical man meal, it consisted of some sort of microwavable delight, with some chips and some apple juice.
- My stomach stopped talking to me because my brain cells have officially communicated to my stomach that the guy who is in charge is actively fixing the problem.
- I roll through the parking lot and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
- This year they completely blind sided me, I didn’t know it was that time of year for the girl scouts to occupy the stores.
- I rode around the parking lot trying to see which entrance was available to walk through.
- There were NONE, the girl scout vultures clearly scouted the place and made sure that customers could neither enter nor leave without seeing their cute innocent faces.
- I was DETERMINED not be pulled in this year. Seeing as though the previous year I bought more cookies than I should have.
- Here’s the plan: I put my head down, pretend to talk on the phone, and when they ask for the money, I tell them I don’t have the cash.
- Wallet, Check. Phone Check.
- I get ready to park my car and then I see the game-changer.
- These girls have gotten card machines this year!
- How am I suppose to get past this one?
- These girls have turned into mocking-jackers (Mockingjay Tracker Jackers, check the hunger games reference).
- I sit in my car contemplating a good enough lie for these girl scouts.
- I know that me saying I don’t have any money while walking into a store will not work.
- And telling these kids “no” is very hard as you look at their broken hearts simply say “ok.”
- So what do you do?!
- Well I just go to another store.
Moral of the story: Being nice can be weak, and the girl scouts prey on the weak.
Tis’ All, I’m Out
– Little King